I love you.
I love you deeper than I did thirteen years ago when we were in high school and you liked the look of my piggy tails.
I love you deeper than I did when you snuck your hand into mine at the movies on our first date.
I love you deeper than I did when I saw your eyes full of hurt when you lost your grandfather and I comforted you as best I could.
I love you deeper than I did when you did the same for me.
I love you deeper than I did when you overcame your biggest obstacles and chose me.
I love you deeper than I did the day we moved into our first home together and started making a life for ourselves.
I love you deeper than I did the days we discovered we were expecting our sweet babies.
I love you deeper than I did the day you kneeled in the rain and asked me to be your wife.
I love you deeper than I did the day we made our vows to love, support and cherish each other.
I love you deeper than I did the days we welcomed each of our three beautiful children into this world.
I love you deeper than I did yesterday.
But, I know you don’t feel it. I know you don’t feel that I love you as deeply because I have trouble showing it as much as I used to.
I have trouble showing you affection because the children need it from me more.
I have trouble cuddling you in the morning after I’ve had the baby sleeping on me all night and my body is aching from the awkward positions I’ve been stuck in.
I have trouble appreciating that you still find me sexy when I feel so uncomfortable about my body.
I have trouble smiling back at you when the fog of postnatal depression is surrounding my brain telling me I don’t deserve to smile.
And I have trouble explaining all of this to you because I feel so guilty. You deserve affection, smiles and a goofy wife who’ll give you a sneaky spank on the butt as she walks past you in the kitchen on her way to change the 42nd nappy of the day.
I want you to know I’m still here. I’m still me. I’m just a little buried at the moment. But every single day your smiles and unconditional love gives me the strength to dig myself out a little more.
Thank you for your patience. I really do appreciate it. And I promise that I love you deeper and I’ll love you deeper still.