My littlest little is in 000’s!
My heart doesn’t know how to handle this. I know, I know, I’ve had this happen twice before, and yes, each time I’ve wondered where the time went and why my baby is growing so fast, but this time, this time is completely different.
This time is the very last time I will have this moment. This is our last baby. Our last little 0000 wearer. The last onesie I had him in is the very last 0000 he’ll wear. And I’m not sure I was prepared for how this would make me feel.
We are done. I mean, we are really done. Our family is complete and quite frankly I’d rather walk across a bed of sharpened rusty nails than be pregnant again, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sad in this moment.
It feels like I’m mourning any future babies I could have had. I’m realising that I’ll never again get to have that rush of love and adrenaline you have after giving birth and meeting your baby for the first time. I’m wishing I could have that time again with my two bigger-little boys. I’m hoping that time slows down so that I can cherish these moments that seem to be going so fast that they are just a blur.
But I can’t. So I just need to try and live in these moments and be as present as I can. Postnatal depression makes that hard sometimes but the medication definitely helps. So while I’m in a good headspace I need to take advantage. Take more photos, play dinosaurs, and cars, and blocks more often, be on my phone less, smile more and laugh so hard that the belly that protected my sweet children, that will never be home to a baby again, wobbles like port wine jelly.
Live in the moment mumma, because 00’s won’t be far away.
Today’s little wins:
Mumma: I became a Godmother today. I feel so incredibly blessed that I was chosen to help guide this little one and I am determined to do my very best.
Biggest-Little: Absolutely no accidents today! Such a little champion.
Middle-Little: Went for a walk to the shops with mummy and as mummy counted the steps “1, 2” he finished with a loud “3!”. Clever munchkin.
Smallest-Little: Managed to sit through the baptism with very little crying and only a small sick on his nan’s shirt. Trust me, that’s a win.