A comma or a full stop?

A comma or a full stop?

I was going to say ‘get ready for some tmi’ but the whole point of this blog is to be open and honest about my life so let’s talk contraception.

I got the Mirena put in today. I was so anxious about it although I’m not sure why! I think subconsciously I feel like this is the end of making babies forever, because even though we’ve been saying that we are done since I was pregnant with our third, this is a physical step to preventing pregnancy happening again.

Look, I’m really done. I can’t physically deal with another pregnancy. As I’ve mentioned before, pregnancy is really hard on me. I had to use crutches last time due to severe SPD (Symphysis Pubis Disfunction, which causes excruciating pelvic pain) and sciatic pain. So between that and our money issues (the issue being that we have none) our family really is finished, this just feels very final to me (even though I can remove it).

I suppose the reason I’m struggling with it being ‘final’ is because despite the fact that although my bones may break and my purse is full of nothing but bill receipts and maybe a couple of five cent pieces, my heart could love an infinite number of precious little babies.

And of course there is also the elusive daughter that I’ll never know. It’s not easy to accept that I’ll never have a baby girl. I know I’ve said that before, but it really can be a difficult thing to wrap your head around. I love my boys, and honestly I don’t even know if I’d be any good as a girls mum, but it would still have been nice to have someone to watch The Little Mermaid with.

I’ll get over it – I hope – but if I don’t, at least I have three boys who can sing Aladdin’s part of ‘A whole new world’ while I rock Jasmine’s lines.

And heck, if Disney duets don’t soothe the longing at least I know the Mirena can come out – of course I can think of a few family members who’d set up camp at our house to keep us from making more, but I’m pretty sure I could take them.

The thing is, we know we are done, but who says we have to write ‘The end’?

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