Date nights or night lights?

Date nights or night lights?

If I didn’t have children what would I be doing right now?

Just before we had our first little guy we moved to the coast. We loved our life there but when our second was five months old we decided to move home. Postnatal depression is hard. It’s even harder when you’re hours away from your family. I often wonder if we didn’t have children would we still be there?

Would we be spending our mornings out on the lake in our tinny, catching (or not catching) flatheads for dinner, instead of spending our mornings washing pen off the walls and putting on the slow cooker?

Would we wake up at 9am and spend another hour in bed, chatting and enjoying each other’s company, instead of being woken at 6 to demands of milk (warm and in a green cup with a blue lid)?

Would we met up with friends for lunch and then take a stroll along the beach, holding hands and breathing in the fresh air, instead of throwing some nuggets in the oven and then trying to convince the terrible two that naps are awesome (why don’t they believe us)?

Would we be buying knick knacks to display around our beautifully organised and lovingly decorated house, instead of hiding all the breakable keepsakes and putting locks on the knife drawers in our chaotic mismatched home?

Would we be happy? Would our hearts be as full of love as they are now? Would we feel fulfilled? Or would we have that hole, that empty space indicating that something big is missing from our lives? Would we be enough?

So many ‘what if’s…

We’ll never know of course. What I do know is that I wouldn’t change it for the world. Whilst it would be interesting to see what our alternate reality would look like, this is the reality I chose and would choose again a thousand times over.

Instead of time in the tinny we have tickle fights. Instead of sleep-in’s we have morning smiles. Instead of strolls on the sand we have squeals of ‘push me’ at the park. And instead of knick knacks we have home made masterpieces proudly displayed on the fridge.

It may not be everyone’s preference but it is definitely mine. I love my chaotic life, full of fart jokes, Lego, and unconditional love.

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