You did what?!

You did what?!

Today a thing happened.

A thing that would probably be no biggie to the average person, but a thing that is kind of a big deal to me.

I smashed my phone. Yep, my beloved Note 5 is no more.

See what I’m saying – it’s a huge thing.

My whole world was in that phone (guys I’m aware that my family is actually my world, but you know what I mean yeah?). I couldn’t sync anything across because the screen was more smashed than I was at my sisters wedding. I couldn’t even swipe #devastating #overlyemotionalperhaps

The problem is that for me, with my anxiety, it really messed with my head. I had to go and get a new one (I work on my phone so I need it). As I sat there in the Telstra store I felt the all too familiar hot prickly sensation travelling under my skin.

Panic was starting to set in. Panic about being unreachable, panic about being unable to contact anyone, panic about choosing the right phone, panic about losing everything on my phone. I was not – in fact I’m still not – ready to change phones. When something is going to change in my life I need time to wrap my head around it. I can’t just suddenly snap and be fine about it all.

I know, I know, I seem ridiculous. That’s me, that’s how my anxiety works. I wish I could just switch it off, but no dice.

So anyway, here I am, about to melt into a big old puddle because it’s so hot, wearing something I’d never be caught in public wearing, showing off my prickly legs, and writing on my new phone. It’s odd. I feel like I’m cheating on my Note 5.

I’ll get used to it eventually I guess.

Ha! I just realised that I should really be updating you all on my phsychology appointment but here I am whinging about a stupid phone. #priorities

Just quickly because otherwise this will be way to long to bother reading – the psych appointment went well. I clicked with her and found her easy to talk to. We decided that the main things we would work on were anxiety, anger, and sleep deprivation. She gave me some coping mechanisms – for the anxiety we talked about taking time out to calm down, stepping outside for a few minutes. For the anger we talked about letting it out in a safe way, because bottling it up makes it worse. We didn’t get to the sleep yet, but I don’t see that part changing anyway to be honest. We’ll see.

I will see her again in two weeks, I’m looking forward to it. It feels good to release some of my internal drama. It makes me feel slightly less insane in the membrane.

Things are ok, hubby said he noticed I’ve been more positive and happy the last few days.

That’s great I guess, but I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I really hope my phone was the only pit to this otherwise relatively high week of peaks.

Anyway time to do something I haven’t done in a while –

Little wins:

Mumma: I got all of my pre-course studies done in time for ‘O week’ next week. It’s getting very close now, super exciting (and insanely terrifying).

Biggest-Little: This is a cool guy. He helped me clean up so much yesterday and has been very cuddly. That’s pretty much all I need in a kid.

Middle-Little: Look I’ve got to be honest here, he’s two. Sometimes the wins can be few and far between. That sounds terrible, but it’s for real. Oh, this is one thing that isn’t a new win, but an all the time win. Toby has incredible manners. He will always say please, thank you, and you’re welcome. That is pretty amazing if you ask me. He melts me.

Smallest-Little: This little goober has just learnt a new word(s) “uh-oh”. He pretty much says it every chance he gets. It is adorable and gives me flash backs to his brothers saying it.

2 thoughts on “You did what?!

  1. oh momma, I smashed my phone a fews ago as well. anxiety hit me so hard that I not only smashes it but also broke the screen between my hands. I later had to fish out the sim card from it with tweezers. I like how you are so open about all this crap!!!! I love it i love i LOVE IT! Does it help? I can’t even start to write about this stuff, hardly in my journal. You are doing a wonderful job and I’m glad to have found your blog. all the best, orana


    1. Haha, someone who understands my pain! It seems silly to be so upset over a phone, but our phones hold so much now! They’re important.

      Oh what a lovely thing to read, thank you! You’ve put a huge smile on my face x


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