When I was asked to be a part of ‘We are the face of motherhood: A series on Postpartum Depression‘ organised by the amazing Jamie from Mommy in Flats I panicked a little. It was a no-brainer really, of course I will always say a big fat yes to raising awareness and ending the stigma surrounding postpartum/postnatal depression and anxiety but I got a little nervous that I wouldn’t have much to say because I realised suddenly that things were good. Things were finally feeling really, really good. In fact, I considered that perhaps I had bested the beast once and for all, and that I wouldn’t be lost in the darkness again. Ha! Life loves to remind me that when you have kids you don’t get to be in control of something like that, so after a while of living in blissful ignorance I got the sharp reminder that I needed and out came my post.
It’s Monday, the start of an amazing, incredible, fruitful week. Right?
I have a busy week ahead, full of play groups, school runs, work, and study. I keep surprising myself by having little moments of bliss, where I realise that I’m actually enjoying my life. It has been so long since that happened I almost didn’t recognise the feeing. Things are going well, I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.
No way. It’s definitely all good, I won’t let it change. I mean, how can anything be bad when I have this little goofball for a son?
I do have one dilemma however. I’m enjoying my work in childcare so much that I’m considering changing my direction at Uni. I don’t know if I should put my writing on pause and focus on getting further in childcare (which I can see being my career, like writing, and not just a job), or if I should keep going the way I’m going and become more educated in childcare second. It’s a huge decision and I’m genuinely torn.
I love both fields equally. I’ve never felt passionate about anything, and now I have two passions. What in the world?
I never had the drive to do anything specific in school. When people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I said ‘a mum’. Well I’ve succeeded there. I had no follow up plan. Hubby was pretty much always going to be a mechanic (though I know being a pilot would have satisfied him more), I always envied his passion and drive. Now I don’t know what to do with myself.
I feel like a leaf, floating down a river, hoping I’ll wash up on the right bank. But which bank is the right bank? Which side of the fork do I follow?
Today is a good day. Sometimes the good days feel few and far between. Perhaps that’s not the case, perhaps my brain only recognises them on the odd occasion, perhaps my mind isn’t able to celebrate all the beautiful little things in life.
That’s my brain though. Sometimes I’m a glass half full kind of girl, and other times I want to peg the glass at the wall and yell at the person that brought it to me. What a fun character, right?