A light at the end of the sleeve

A light at the end of the sleeve

Sluggish movement

Body and mind

A healthy soul

Left far behind

Frightful future

Decision made

Time for change

Prepare the blade

Knocked out

A piece removed

Groggy thoughts

Life improved

Weight lost

Sanity gained

Feeling good

Brain unchained

Free to show

The inside out 

Put to rest

The years of doubt

Finally real

Show colours true

Nothing compares

To the authentic you

See you bye, 2016

See you bye, 2016

Okay here goes, my 2016 year in review! Get ready to take a trip down memory lane, see where we are at now, and read about my hopes for 2017.

2016 was not kind to my family. There were some high peaks, and some bloody low pits.

In 2016 I started my blog. My baby. My virtual ‘Dear Diary’. This was a peak. I have attempted to blog many times before but it never clicked like this one did. It was the right time. I have some amazingly kind, caring, and supportive readers, who have reminded me I’m not alone, lifted my spirits, and thanked me for doing the same in return. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful keyboard companions.

Read more

Onions, ogres, and people have layers

Onions, ogres, and people have layers

Someone asked the question today ‘What are your thoughts on people who get weight loss surgery?
The replies were mostly supportive, with a couple that were less so. I couldn’t go past this comment from a lovely lady (who gave me her permission to share this).

Read more

Love takes time

Love takes time

So often I hear ‘You should love yourself’.
Of course you should. You should love yourself for the strong, intelligent person that you are. You should love yourself for doing the best you can. You should love yourself for being the best version of you possible.

You should love yourself, but do you?

Read more

Spring, shirts, and sass

Spring, shirts, and sass

Today has been a good day.

Mostly.

 

It’s the first day of Spring, the month of my birth, and it’s Thursday – which is only good because it’s nearly Friday.

 

I’m working on my environment. I have known for a long time that my environment impacts on my moods. If I wake up, get dressed, make the bed, and open the blinds I have a better day than I would if I stayed in my PJ’s, left the bed looking like a UFO crashsite, and kept the house dark and dingy like a Howarts dungeon (I’m the troll).

I’m not currently on my meds. I don’t know if I need to be or not. I can’t decide. I think I can keep off them as long as I work hard to keep myself balanced in other ways. Now that Spring is here the kids can go outside more! Yay! Other parents will understand the absolute joy that brings both the cabin-fever-kids and the pent-up-parents. The aim of the weekend is to have the backyard ready for lazy afternoons and cold drinks.

Sleeve life is treating me well. I can definitely feel the difference and I think people are finally able to see it too. Either way, the fact that it shows in the way my clothes fit is what matters to me. For example, I bought this AWESOME #mumlife t-shirt from Zeke Unique’s ”Equali-Tee’s’ range atleast two sizes smaller than I would have pre-surgery. Yes, that’s partly a plug. Zeke Unique is run by one of my very favourite mums in the whole world and she deserves many, many plugs.

14102278_10155206961203312_3131567030294638311_n
My awesome Equali-Tee’s #mumlife T-Shirt from Zeke Unique. Just click on my ugly mug to be taken to Zeke Unique through the magic of the interwebs.

 

The kids are good! Daniel is 8 months and crawling everywhere. Yesterday he even tried to stand up against a chair. Ugh. I am equal parts ready and not. I don’t want him running around the house all grown up any time soon, but it definitely does give me a little more freedom to get things done around the house, which inturn helps my mental state. It really is a good thing mostly.

Toby is…let’s face it, Toby is a terror! I swear sometimes he seems much older, then other times – like when he’s throwing every egg we own onto the floor, along with lettuce, yoghurt and maple syrup at 4am (check out the picture!). Or when he thinks his baby brother would make a great seat. Or even right now, when he’s chucking a tantrum because I won’t let him have another lolly!

14151700_10155206636698312_1134234199_o
It’s a…cake? It’s a mess. #parenting hey?

Marky is a threenager through and through. He is so sassy. The other day he told me to get out of his room. Dude…really? Needless to say that didn’t go down so well. He has also started playing a lot of fighting games. Superheroes and ninjas are the ‘in’ thing. This is new to me. I have one younger sister. We played Barbies and sung along to Spice Girls.

Overall the two older boys are teaming up and driving me crazy. I love them like Donald Trump likes his hairpiece but I am really struggling with knowing how to parent them at the moment. I know they are doing normal things for kids their age, but it sure is exhausting. I need a night off!

One day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time.

 

Anyway, I’d best go and check on the little ratbags because they are being far too quiet and we all know there is nothing scarier than a quiet toddler.

 

Oh, wait. How about two of them?

When life gets in the way

When life gets in the way

Well how slack am I? My poor little blog has been so neglected lately! I’ve spent most (all) of my time parenting and learning how to live with my sleeve. A lot has happened so I think I’ll go person by person here. 

Mumma: So weightloss is happening. Slowly which is a little frustrating, but good in the sense that hopefully I won’t have too many issues with loose skin. I am currently on soft foods, which is very close to normal foods but not quite. I eat a lot of eggs, tuna and chicken. I did experience my first ‘oh no I’ve eaten far too fast, I have to get that out’ episode the other day. That was not fun.

Thin omelette filled with chicken and cheese

 PND is currently ok. I still have tough times but I’m starting to feel like they’re a normal level of tough and not an exaggerated one from PND. 

I’m discovering that my sister and I have a completely different relationship now that she’s a mumma too. I’m absolutely loving it. We have a standing date to do food shopping together every fortnight and it is honestly one of my favourite days. Who would have thought that I’d enjoy doing the groceries?

All in all I’m doing well. Feeling healthier in body and mind. Have a beautiful old/new friendship. Life is not too shabby. 

Marky: Marky is going well. He is starting to really like childcare and has told me he has made a friend. He is becoming such a little boy it is incredible to watch him. 

I’ve just booked him in to see the physio and I’m a little worried about how much his ankles roll in. Hopefully all is well. He has a date to see the specialist Opthamologist in Sydney next year to discuss creating his tear duct. I hope the poor kid gets a break after all this. 

According to measurements Marky is tall and skinny.

Marky taking selfies on mummy phone!

Toby: Toby is turning two in three days! I cannot believe it! He is such an adventurous little man with an incredible vocabulary.We had our first hospital trip with him yesterday after a big fall. He managed to rip the inside of his lip open and get a big cut in his gum. We have an appointment with the dentist in the morning just to get him checked out. He will be celebrating his birthday with a fat lip and some rather impressive marks around his mouth and nose. 

According to measurements Toby is short and chunky.

Toby, also known as Mr. Chocolate-Face

Daniel: DJ is now seven months and his personality is just beautiful.  He is almost always happy, you rarely see him without a smile on his face.He is extremely close to crawling and spends all of his time up on all fours, rocking back and forth. He says ‘Dad’, ‘Mum’ and ‘Bub’. He has a tooth on its way out. He’s not handling teething overly well, lots of drool and many, many tears, which is just so out of character for him.

According to measurements Daniel is tall and chunky. 

Daniel is definitely sick of being stationary

I think we’re all caught up now. Life is just plodding along.

Faster than I’d like it to.

Food and family

Food and family

I’m still here!

It has been a long few weeks of recovering from surgery, sick kids, and adjusting to my new life and as such I’ve been a bit hesitant to post.
Sometimes I just get too overwhelmed with anxiety to update. Which is silly because venting through my blog is an amazing stress reliever for me. It’s a mind game I play with myself.

So, an update. My surgery went great! I am officially on what my fellow weight loss surgery (WLS) patients call ‘The losers bench’! The first few days of recovery were tough. I was groggy for a crazy amount of time while coming out of the anesthetic. It was horrible. I faintly recall my family coming in to visit in between snoozes.

I remember opening my eyes and seeing my sister, then my parents, and finally my husband sitting next to me. I can’t explain how good it felt to see them. I squeezed hubbies hand so tightly. I didn’t want him to leave. Of course, he had to. He got to solo parent while I was in hospital for 3 days and he did an amazing job of it.

I continued to recover over those days. Starting with sucking on ice chips the first day and then progressing to water and clear liquids the next. On the day I left I got to have apple juice (which I have never liked, but now look forward to).

I had six incisions, which have all healed nicely. I still get some discomfort when I bend or twist in the wrong way, but overall I’m feeling good. 

Eating is a very different experience. I don’t get hungry and I don’t find myself thinking about ‘my next fix’ anymore. I started pureed meals at the start of this week. That’s…interesting. It all looks disgusting (check out my deconstructed Shepherd’s pie) but it tastes like it normally would. Such a strange thing to adjust to.

Purees look fairly uninviting. Luckily this deconstructed shepherd’s pie tasted better than it looked.

I’ve lost about 11 kilograms so far. I don’t really see a difference, but I feel a difference in my clothes. Hubby has been doing the Optifast diet, which I what I had to do for two weeks leading up to surgery. He has been doing it for just over 4 weeks and has lost a mind-boggling 20 kilos. I so proud of him!

The kids are doing well, they are enjoying sharing all of my meals with me. Marky got accepted into Pre-school for next year! Toby is turning two next month and has just learnt how to open doors – it’s so super fun! (Insertnsert majorly thick sarcasm). Daniel has just turned six months old and is working on sitting and getting up on all fours.

Time really does go too fast. It’s devastating. 

Hopefully now that I’m living a healthier lifestyle, I will be around longer. I want as much time with my family as I can get. Family really is the whole reason for everything I do.

Hopefully it won’t be as long between updates this time. The more my body recovers, the more my brain follows suit.

One day at a time.

One more sleep!

One more sleep!

Hello blog-land!

Things have been a little crazy! My surgery is TOMORROW! Insane.

I’ve been preparing like crazy (as much as I can) for the big day and I still feel unprepared. There is a lot to think of and I’m trying to remember it all, but I think my brain might explode it is working that hard!

I’ve been doing the pre-op Optifast diet for two weeks now and I have lost less than I’d wanted to…but I suppose this is the whole reason I need the surgery! Hubby has been doing it to support me (and for himself) and has lost around 12kgs.  He’s pretty awesome.

My pre-op meal plan is as follows:

Breakfast – Vanilla Optifast shake with half a teaspoon of coffee. It tastes like an iced coffee and is actually delicious!

Lunch – Optifast Chocolate Bar. It kind of tastes like a space food stick. Not bad, not awesome either.

Dinner – At least 2 cups of approved non-starchy vegetables, cooked with a spoon of oil. My favourite has been Mushroom Stroganoff with either Slendier noodles (noodles made from vegetables) or cauliflower rice.

After Dinner -Optifast Shake or Bar. Usually a Chocolate shake.

If I feel like a snack I have diet jell, raw broccoli  or carrot sticks.

image
Stir-fried veggies with cauliflower rice. Yummo!

I’m actually pleasantly surprised by how little I’ve struggled. I really thought I’d fail…but I didn’t! I made cupcakes and muffins with the boys and didn’t even lick the spoon! Willpower.

image
They're not pretty, but the boys loved them. I didn't even have a taste! #willpower

Hubby has been my rock. I definitely would have struggled without his support.

The boys are going well.  DJ is rolling around the floor like crazy and Toby is getting his daily bump on the head from being too adventurous and hurting himself.

Marky’s surgery went really well for the most part. The Tonsillectomy went flawlessly. The Adenoidectomy went ok, they only did a partial removal as they found he has a short palate. They also discovered he has a Bifid Uvula – that dangly thing at the back of his throat is forked! Only 2% of the population have them and they are often signs of a partial cleft palate! So there you go! I honestly don’t know if it will cause any issues for him, I’ll be sure to ask at his follow up appointment. His hernia repair also went really well and he now has an ‘innie’, much to his disgust.

image
Piggy and Frankie waiting for their Marky to get out of surgery.

The only hiccup we had was with the tear duct clearance – the one I’d expected to be smooth. They weren’t able to clear the right tear duct and have referred us to a surgeon in Sydney to have another surgery done. They said something about putting a tube in for a few months to create a passage way. I haven’t had the appointment in Sydney yet so I really don’t know much about it. Hopefully it isn’t too major and things are finished for that little man for a while.

Anyway I’d best go and get packed for tomorrow. Big day. New life.

Wish me luck!

Today’s little wins:

Mumma: Stuck to my pre-op diet like a boss! No breaks!

Biggest-Little: Got through surgery like a champion. He fell asleep on me at one point in the hospital. I’ve missed that.

Middle-Little: Decided he wanted to spend some extra time with his mumma this morning and woke me up at 03:30am – silver linings, right?

Smallest-Little: Rolling here, there, and everywhere. He’s a happy goofy little man.

Catchups and cuties

Catchups and cuties

It’s OK! I’m still here!

I have just been…lazy/distracted/busy.

I’ve had some amazing things going on and I’m excited to share!

Firstly – I wrote an article and submitted it to a website and they published it! That was extremely exciting for me. You can check it out here. Keep an eye out on that site – you never know when you’ll see my name again. *wink, wink*

Secondly – We got a date for Marky’s (Biggest-Little) surgery! June 6th my little man with be getting the triple whammy. Adenotonsilectomy, hernia repair & tear duct clearance. I can’t wait for him to be able to breathe properly.

Thirdly – I’ve made a very big decision. On June 20th I will be going under the knife myself. I’m having weightloss surgery. More specifically, the gastric sleeve.

I have struggled with my weight all my life. I’ve tried diets, exercise and medication and no matter how hard I work I either don’t lose, or stall and put it back on. I suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which makes it incredibly difficult to shed the kilos. I’m sick of being this way. I’m sick of being uncomfortable all the time. And while some think I’m taking the easy way out, I am actually making a decision that will affect my life forever. This was a huge decision and a lot of thought was put into it.

I am going to lose some weight, fix some of my health issues and get exercising. I need to teach my children how to be healthy. I’m also hoping that getting physically fit will help me to become more mentally fit.

So there it is. It’s big and scary and exciting. I know that some people don’t get it, but that’s ok. They don’t need to. They just need to trust me, trust that I know best for myself, and support me.

So I’ve had a big couple of weeks (we also got a new-to-us car, sold some big items that were just collecting dust, and had some breakdowns) and I have a huge month ahead. I can handle it (I hope), I have an amazing husband by my side, three gorgeous boys to make me laugh, and a beautiful kitty to cuddle.

Come at me!

Today’s little wins:

Mumma: Made a decision to change my life for the better.

Biggest-Little: He is rocking it at child care.  After a rough start he is finally coming out of his shell and enjoying Tuesdays.

Middle-Little: Sang ‘Twinkle, Twinkle’ to me. Actions included. Gorgeous.

Smallest-Little: Had an appointment at the child health nurse today. He’s 67cm long and 7.2kgs which puts him around 85th% for length and 50th% for weight. He’s growing beautifully. And he’s so darn cute! I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be his mumma.